After terrible menstrual cramps, that would not end neither with the hot tortilla on the belly, nor with brandy, nor with all of the medical pills that friends recommended, finally they told the princess that she had an inverted womb.
Her goal in life was that of perfect marriage, and according to the prescriptions of the one, holy, catholic and apostolic church, in order to do so she had to be fervently guarding her pearl. So she was not aware of the terrible efforts she would have to face in order to get pregnant, her dreams had only been of marrying dressed in white, perfect Baby Showers, mortgage the house, send her children to the best schools, the whole deal.
But after blowing her boyfriend and swallowing, she was with child. Nine months later she vomited, amidst saliva and a half eaten salbute, a brown, hairy, big eyed girl. This is the niece of the edigator.
There is a series of internet pages that document human stupidity. Sometimes I wonder if in a distant future (considering there will be one), when the archaeologists research daily practices of the xxi century sapiens sapiens animal, they will conclude (accurately) that all human life: that is meanings, objectives, dreams and desires (suchas now is said about the mayas were sky watchers or the ancient egyptians were Nile farmers who wore eyeliner and short skirts) was centered in the regulation and description of ways to maim and annihilate the others,
in a obsessive collection of human orifices and things that might be inserted into them,
and a chronology of stupidity.
Interestingly enough, stupidity is closely associated to the viewing of a different outcome as the one predicted or quite simple situations were humans are hurt.
Anyway, I found a wonderful internet page that has become a favorite of mine, a way to lighten up my gray days: Failblog.org.
I leave you with and image and a couple of videos from that site that I have found lovely.
Fail sign!
Fail Ironing!
Fail parking, fail awareness of surroundings, fail good samaritan, fail everything!!
Modern humans live surrounded by myths. Though the documented reality provided by TIME magazine does not accept the concept of monsters or anything that is not normal, people keep seeing, listening, photographing, filming and running away from aliens, chupacabras, yetis, hipno toads, and a nice assortment of evil slimy monsters in search of brains and other juicy parts of the body.
But the magnificent edigator is aware that according to psychology and anthropology and sociology and all of those quite exact human sciences, humans are quite simple creatures. They are, to put it simply, symbolic animals that codify fears and desires into complex and absurd situations. Therefore, all monsters have their roots in a particular fear or desire. The abominable snowman finds its origin in the fear to the long cold winter, the windigo to your brother eating your parents (and then you), the chupacabras to the latinamerican patriotism, etc… But centaurs..
Centaurs are these mythological beings, half horse (the bottom half) and half human (upper half). Traditionally (mythically?) these beings are astrological diviners, star gazers, etc… Why would anyone keep believing in them?
February 14 is coming, and since the edigator knows nothing of the subject, research and inspiration was required from other sources in order to gain knowledge.
Humans are creative and resourceful (ecologists would say, to the point of destroying the Earth). But in the minor scale, for a costume party one can turn that old blanket stolen from the airplane (from the time it was not considered a terrorist act to fly) and turn it into the marvelous cape of Count Dracula. When I was living at Playa delCarmen, two bricks and a plank made a fantastic coffee table and now my desk is comprised of several phone directories and a couple of shelves. Edigator the d.i.y.
However, because of some incomprehensible omission, the effective and wonderful use of hygiene products has been forgotten. I know that generalizations should not be made, for some crafty individuals, like Tamara Zeta Sanowar-Makhan from Ontario, are able to create a complete priest robe out of maxi pads 2(and some stuff about women, and church and the blood of christ… it was banned, of course).
Or a cute dress, made out of tampons and pads. And how it swirls when you take a twirl, like a a magic can can skirt. However, the downside is that if it rains it is ruined… ultra maxi absorbent. Or some fine slippers, they keep your feet warm and dry…2 Of course, if tailoring is not for you, it is not necessary you desist. Tampons are ideal for the USB 3(in sizes Regular, Super and Ultra, for the mega storage of data). Seasonal decorations 1(cheap and recyclable, no more keeping boxes of Christmas ornaments, just wait for your next period and voilà, they are gone!): Original and sensual jewelry 1(think about it, Valentine´s day is coming): The Edigator, meanwhile, has crafted her own effigy.
I love beer. I love its taste, its texture, its foam, I love it completely. But I hate beer publicity. And when I say hate, do imagine the hate that has the torches, the picks, the mobs, and is chanting ouside the castle "burn burn burn". Apparently, the people in charge of promoting its drinking, after careful market analysis and five digit salaries, believe that those who ingest this beverage are basically pigs. If one studies its target audience it is easily spotted that the companies think the drinkers are brainless, sexist, stupid men whose ultimate desire in life (the loooong quest of existence) is limited to finding the remote for the T.V. I see these ads and am repulsed (with the eyes rolling back and the foaming at the mouth) but people see them and laugh, and are able to take a joke juar juar juar, and buy and buy even more. Is the edigator wrong? Here are four videos from four different countries: American Pigs.
Danish Pigs.
Mexican Pigs.
Irish Pigs.
Of course, it would not be fair if I did not do it, so... I also give you the opposite case: Just Pigs.
There are more than 2,240,000 internet pages that are dedicated to saving the Polar Bear. But, what about the Bipolar Bears? They also need saving, little is known about their possible very near extinction (for more info about them, click here) Common Name: Bipolar Bear, Ours Bipolaire (Fr); Oso Bipolar (Sp) Scientific Name: Ursus maritimus dêmentis Habitat: Arctic
Bipolar Bear, in one of her moods
There is still about 2,000-2,500 Bipolar Bears left in the wild, yet their future is unknown. Though in 1973, Canada, the United States, Denmark, Norway and the former U.S.S.R. signed the International Agreement on the Conservation of Polar Bears, this agreement is not enough to protect the wellbeing of this uncomprehended and unadapted predator.
The Bipolar Bear presents a behaviour which is defined by one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood referred to as mania, then they also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. In its depression the Bipolar Bear will sit on the ice and refuse to eat, being sometimes object of sexual abuse by sadistic sea lions (basically, all the vicious otariinae family, and their pals).
Here you can witness a video of a Bipolar Bear during a cycle of a typical Britney-Spears-depression :
During the mania cycle, the bipolar bear can kill up to 200 leopard seals (Hydrurga leptonyx), eat the flippers, and colourfully decorate the nest .
These cycles are extremely rapid and their behaviour changes swiftly. These patterns are associated with anxiety and a high suicide risk, for, as it occurs with the lemmings, when observed, the Bipolar Bears have been driven to mass cliff jumping due to the excessive pressure put on them. This, in addition to the thousands of antidepressants left by tourists, and the stress imposed by the high incidence of camera flashes, the Bipolar Bear is rendered helpless in its natural habitat.
Here you can see a Bipolar Bear, Blinky,in an unnatural habitat. Blinky walks rapidly from one side to another unnable to focus and do the "sexy pose".
If you wish to join the campaign in favor of saving the Bipolar Bears, send your contibution to the edigator. Cash and goods accepted.
She will make sure the funds reach their proper destination.
The edigator thought teaching Middle School was going to be more rewarding than working in Academia. It has a PhD from a Midwestern very White and Liberal-light institution. It emigrated from Mexico 9 years ago and due to luck and a gringo falling in love with its scalyness, it is also an American citizen.
After terrible menstrual cramps, that would not end neither with the hot tortilla on the belly, nor with brandy, nor with all of the medical pills that friends recommended, finally they told the princess that she had an inverted womb.
and a chronology of stupidity.
Fail Ironing!
Bipolar Bear, in one of her moods
