Myths

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I am truly fond of bugs, especially spiders. I just love spiders and their spidery eyes and long furry legs. You see, almost all of them have eight legs, except when they have been pulled off, then they have less.


There are so many myths about spiders. They say that she-spiders bite the male’s head off after copulation. It is also said that the spiderlings devour their devout mothers, and this is done in a routinely fashion, it is also alleged that they slowly munch their defenseless little brothers and sisters and it is because of such reason that the surviving spider is indeed a very savage one, a spider filled with hate and violence, that would match any beastly human. However this pure fiction, a legend, a something that is not, such stories are impossible since spiders do not have a chewing mechanism and therefore do not chew, devour, bite heads off or munch. They must inject an acidic substance and suck the liquefied victim. And everyone knows that no being that lives on a liquid diet can be that evil.
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Poor misunderstood lovely spiders, attacked mercilessly by ignorant beings who lynch and probe them. Who take hundreds of innocuous tarantulas and light them on fire, that take chaste black widows and squish them, harmless daddy long legs driven off cliffs. So so much cruelty to the poor innocent misconstrued spiders.


And in Cambodia, they fry them up and eat them. Psshhh.





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The REAL reason why dinosaurs got extinct

In view with recent global happenings, this could not be more appropriate.

Mirror mirror

It does not matter how many fashionable clothes, board meetings, different jobs or excessive money humans have or want, they are still animals. Most of the time, humans try to identify their humanness with non-animal elements. That is, if an animal can do it, the human will negate that and construct s/his identity with the anti-animal notions.

So, if an animal defecates in public, the human will do it hidden in a restroom. If an animal eats another while the delicatessen is still alive; the human will kill, dismember and bake. It does not matter if the second option is more complicated, absurd and requires technicians, engineers, and hours of training in order to achieve it. Any variation turns humans into nasty beasts.

And those cuasi-perfect animals that behave in a non-animalistic way are almost humans: emotional dogs, memorious elephants who suffer painfully when they encounter elephant bones, or parrots that speak.

But when one of these animals behaves as s/his earthbound irremediable nature indicates, humans are astounded. Because they see a mirror of the beast that they are. After so many words... be flabbergasted:

Mating Rituals

A friend of mine states that human mating behaviour is absurd and should be abolished. Instead of ridiculous courtships one should plainly state "hey, I like you" and the other should simply reply, "you know, I like you too", and then go out to leave a full and satisfactory life as if they were bonobos.

But this utopic idea is impossible to accomplish in this life, that is why we have fiction such as films and books. However, I would like to clarify that human rituals are no less strange than some of our fellow earth creatures.

The cichlid fish, for example, is an interesting critter. The female lays the unfecundated eggs and lovingly picks them up with her mouth. The male, on the other hand, has colorful dots near his special private area. When the female swims by, she (with her fishy tiny brain) sees the dots, believes that she has lost some eggs and proceeds to suck them. The male, then, splashes her in the face, bukkake style, and swims off in the midst of raucous laughter.

In the video you can see how the fishes repeat several times the scene, since they are professional porn actors and the take is not coming out well. It is well known (by wiki) that in order to have a successful heterosexual pornographic film, there must be one at least of these events (96% of them confirm it).

For the flatworms, the ritual is a bit more complex.

They find each other, they like each other, they approach each other, bat their eyelashes and then... since flatworms are hermaphrodites, the next step is to decide who will be the male and who will be the female. Since females must lose their sensual flat figure and remain with the flatworm kids until they are off to college, both want to avoid it. So the decision is made by penis fencing!

They literally pull out their dicks and proceed to clash and clang them until penetration is accomplished by one of them. The winner runs and tells his buddies and the penetrated starts knitting.

For a video of the penis fencing, click here.

And lastly, one of those cases that make you feel good to be human, even if that implies blind dates, having to buy the red expensive convertible or getting a boob job... the porcupine!

The male must be completely sure that the female wants to do the nasty or he will end up with numerous and painful piercings in his wee wee. So he approaches, smells around, rubs himself erotically against rough surfaces (probably trying to get used to the sensation) and then he stands on hind legs and does the macarena.

If the female has not run away by that moment, he will proceed to shower her from head to toe with a long, warm, foamy stream of stinky urine ! If the female does not immediately stab him, then he will continue his approach and let her use him as her prickly sex toy. He will never touch her. When she is done, they smoke a cigarette.

In the following video you can perceive how a redneck couple wrongly mistake a porcupine sex dance performed for their 5-year old daughter for something cute and funny... just seconds before being covered in a golden shower.





So, we can safely agree that our mating rituals, in comparison, are not all that sucky.

Save the Bipolar Bears

There are more than 2,240,000 internet pages that are dedicated to saving the Polar Bear.
But, what about the Bipolar Bears? They also need saving, little is known about their possible very near extinction (for more info about them, click here)
Common Name: Bipolar Bear, Ours Bipolaire (Fr); Oso Bipolar (Sp)
Scientific Name: Ursus maritimus dêmentis
Habitat: Arctic

Bipolar Bear, in one of her moods

There is still about 2,000-2,500 Bipolar Bears left in the wild, yet their future is unknown. Though in 1973, Canada, the United States, Denmark, Norway and the former U.S.S.R. signed the International Agreement on the Conservation of Polar Bears, this agreement is not enough to protect the wellbeing of this uncomprehended and unadapted predator.

The Bipolar Bear presents a behaviour which is defined by one or more episodes of abnormally elevated mood referred to as mania, then they also commonly experience depressive episodes or symptoms, or mixed episodes in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time. In its depression the Bipolar Bear will sit on the ice and refuse to eat, being sometimes object of sexual abuse by sadistic sea lions (basically, all the vicious otariinae family, and their pals).

Here you can witness a video of a Bipolar Bear during a cycle of a typical Britney-Spears-depression :

During the mania cycle, the bipolar bear can kill up to 200 leopard seals (Hydrurga leptonyx), eat the flippers, and colourfully decorate the nest .

These cycles are extremely rapid and their behaviour changes swiftly. These patterns are associated with anxiety and a high suicide risk, for, as it occurs with the lemmings, when observed, the Bipolar Bears have been driven to mass cliff jumping due to the excessive pressure put on them. This, in addition to the thousands of antidepressants left by tourists, and the stress imposed by the high incidence of camera flashes, the Bipolar Bear is rendered helpless in its natural habitat.

Here you can see a Bipolar Bear, Blinky, in an unnatural habitat. Blinky walks rapidly from one side to another unnable to focus and do the "sexy pose".


If you wish to join the campaign in favor of saving the Bipolar Bears, send your contibution to the edigator. Cash and goods accepted.

She will make sure the funds reach their proper destination.

Colorful snow

See, the thing is that when snow is falling from the sky it floats gently, it is like tranquil rain, like a liquid sigh. It is beautiful and ephemeral. But then it lands on the ground and stays there.
For seven months.
I am delighted by snow in the air. But on the floor… The soil is blanketed with hard concrete that absorbs nothing. And people spit, vomit and pee on it. Then they walk their dogs who do the same. And let´s not forget about the squirrels, rabbits, other rodents and birds. Just in my bus stop there is a mound of crow excrement from two weeks ago. It was dropped, plop, and is still there.
Hence, the streets will be covered with snow and bodily (solid) fluids.

For seven months.

Yet everyone survives, they simply start putting up warnings for the children (and for the edigator):
Cover your ears or you might lose them.
Don´t lick lampposts.
Do NOT eat yellow snow.