We all want to be victims

This human inability to register that other people can suffer has driven us to define “justice” as the perfect excuse to extinguish the person that looks-at-me-the-wrong-way. From the first baby utterances of the “he did it!” to the “but I was only following orders”, humans have found ways to justify their horrors, massacres and genocides. All under the egotistical vision of “but my intentions were good…” or even worse, “but I am the good guy! I was only defending myself”

The worst part is that people are not essentially evil, it is just that they have their heads so high up in their own asses that they are unable to realize that their stupid good intentions has turned them into ghastly monsters.

Here is a nice historical collection of self proclaimed victims:

stupid zombies

Zombies are reanimated corpses. A corpse is a dead human being, if it comes back to life, it is a zombie. Quite simple. Of course, what makes it exciting is that zombies have a terrible desire to eat living human beings, specially brains. The possible interpretation is that of want, they want what they lack, since they are dead living corpses, their brains aren’t working and they want some. However, it might simply be a craving for life and live flesh is what gives them their reanimation.

You see, if they wanted brains because of the lack, then we would not have stupid zombies. And we do have them.

For example, about 2,000 years ago this dim-witted jewish zombie got it wrong. Though he went around scaring people (you know, by doing the zombie stuff: displaying his open wounds, moving with a sluggish, blundering pace, etc.) instead of doing the proper munching up of the populace, he asked for the opposite and started telling everyone to eat him!

It was so scary people are still talking about it.
For more info about this, click here.

Centaurs, oh my

Modern humans live surrounded by myths. Though the documented reality provided by TIME magazine does not accept the concept of monsters or anything that is not normal, people keep seeing, listening, photographing, filming and running away from aliens, chupacabras, yetis, hipno toads, and a nice assortment of evil slimy monsters in search of brains and other juicy parts of the body.

But the magnificent edigator is aware that according to psychology and anthropology and sociology and all of those quite exact human sciences, humans are quite simple creatures. They are, to put it simply, symbolic animals that codify fears and desires into complex and absurd situations. Therefore, all monsters have their roots in a particular fear or desire. The abominable snowman finds its origin in the fear to the long cold winter, the windigo to your brother eating your parents (and then you), the chupacabras to the latinamerican patriotism, etc… But centaurs..

Centaurs are these mythological beings, half horse (the bottom half) and half human (upper half). Traditionally (mythically?) these beings are astrological diviners, star gazers, etc… Why would anyone keep believing in them?

Source of both

And then.. epiphany… I understood why… (viewer discretion advised... naked picture coming up... HERE)

Migraines

Migraines are caused by minuscule zombies who rip and devour pieces of the brain they inhabit. Feverish minds, troubled by headaches and hallucinations are able to draw them into horror stories which flock our eyes in the cinema.

Some activities which the host performs wakes the voracious zombies and as the host tries to survive the unsuspected attack on the head, and believes the vomiting, the repulsion to noise and smells, the semi paralysis and shaking, the fear of light, are all caused by something as trivial and normal as blood rushing to the brain or a huge hangover. So then the host growls grr argh, takes enormous quantities of pills, and tries to sleep.

And the zombies munch away...

Zombie Power

Due to recent post about zombie love, edigator was flooded with unending questions about the emotional nature of the zombie. Do they love? Is s/he driven by pure passion? Is it a spiritual hunger? When s/he wants your brain, is it because of solitude?

So we conducted strenuous zombie research and a series of autopsies (which, if we may say so, were not that easy, with all the biting situation…) and here we have, specially for you, a zombie brain:

So, if you know a zombie, and now with this detailed knowledge of s/his drives and urges, you may now enjoy life (er… death) and just keep away of sharp edges (teeth, hands).

And to conclude, a society which under normal circumstances would have never reached the pinnacle of Western civilization (since they had no blacks or latinos), but did so with the wondrous fortune of the zombie slavery.

Love me tender

I see tight pink sweaters and red hearts everywhere. People skip and sigh, they covetlously hold sweaty palms and try to pace their walks with the other´s steps. Oh, these public displays of affection and tenderness make me yearn for a bit of cyanide. Butterflies flutter in my belly as I retch and the sweet puppy love stares of devotion seem as exciting as my dentist’s waiting room.

However, for as extensively as I search, I have yet to find that the ardor of all hearts is represented. For example, who has done the marketing for affectionate zombies? They have feelings too! Who sells them chocolate covered brains? Who makes the reservations for a secluded table under the cover of the vultures?

So much wasted passion.

Zombies also need advice for their devotion. For example, here a suggestion for a pick up line.

Fuente

And if you are in the other side, being the object of affection of a devoted zombie, here is a recommended line of action*.

*If you are not positive that the drooling, brainless guy requiring your affection is a zombie, just proceed in the same manner explained.